I wish i was back floating in a swimming pool right now..

By the share of experiences that life has made me cross paths with till date, i can affirmatively quote that the mere act of living has utmost power of drastically hampering with your mental peace forever. Now dont you misinterpret my first line with my unwillingness to even continue living in this world of enemies and back stabbers.i am just saying that i personally feel that no matter how much i try to provide this hasty world with my share of enlightening selfless help and support,there are never equivalent return rates to be found.

And yes you could just always think in a certain way of being self sufficed by your kind acts for others and by believing that somehow you might have turned around this nasty little world full of selfish demons into just a little better off of a place to reside in.still that would never help you from constricting that emptiness all around your body which although took birth in a small part of your shattered and conned heart but has now spread all over your body by making that innocent skipping blood of yours its comrade.

You are well aware of this emptiness which was initially caused when you realised that though you are surrounded by several beings around you ,most of them are just wearing these masks on their faces which they superglued on themselves way back in their lives.these people too know the consequences of their petty means of dealing with unwanted and unhealthy situations.but when you are continuously forced by the society to neglect the identity and uniqueness that god imbibed in you,you often tend to adapt to the ideal but not so ideal expectations of others.

Now even though the revolting adolescent in me diligently tries to speak against these inhuman norms,the adjusting and compromising adult is always on call duty to shun that adolescent.

So after these many years of fighting with the world and then with myself ,i am just horribly tired .i just need a break from this ruckus. so yes like every other being alive in this foolish world i eventually came to terms with these evils of the society.i surely like everyone else have stopped searching for reliable friends and instead have made this emptiness superimposed on me my solace .i have at last taken my vows of staying truely and only its ‘the one’ till death eventually parts us.

Now thats where i end even contemplating on this topic because even pointing fingers against it is illegal.

And trust me folks i do abide to these regulations.hence,whenever i feel that urge to escape i just say one thing to myself-i wish i was back floating in a swimming pool right now .

Thats because these words could never be elucidated to offend anyone and i just can continue to wish this because back floating in a swimming pool is a scenario where for some time i can avoid all the noise around by shoving that water in my ears ,look up at the stars beyond which god resides and fake for sometime to be floating away like a dead corpse because i am sadly aware that only death will part me from this emptiness. And in this phase i am able to get abundance of serenity and calmness that i could possibly ever get being alive.

So till i lose all control on my body parts and all control on my brain and untill that gushing blood, commuting the emptiness stops flowing once and for all i continue to wish that i was back floating in a swimming pool right now.

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I feel trapped..

I feel trapped being a girl .not because i hate the stereotyped long hair , pink clothes , glossy rosy lips,on point black lined eyes,long painted nails or that slender waistline,but because of this male dominated society, because of these restrictions on my say in this world not only on others but also on myself, because of the never ending list of rules that govern the way i should be..

I feel trapped being a student.not because i am unwilling to be one ,but because of the stupid competition that we alone have associated with such a pure act of gaining knowledge.the association of education with pay and allowances is what disturbs me .

I feel trapped in my own skin.not because i have an unaccepted beige complexion,but because of the importance given to fairer tones.

I feel trapped experiencing emptiness.not because i am a loner,but because us millennials are fake enough to just endulge ourselves into those cell phones of ours and be really awesome in that virtual world but being really really dull as a person in real life.

I feel trapped in general. Not because I am deprived of something essential in this world but by helplessly observing this world around me unable to provide those basic necessities that each person requires and of portraying those basic traits that can do the least of restricting someone from feeling trapped.

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I am going to end this blog now not because these are the only things that make me feel trapped but because of the fact that humans are expected to have brilliant controls over their emotions and not portray their weaknesses to others as they might use it in brutal and savage ways to anguish your mental peace.

So i dont want to put so much effort to just be strangled and eventually be in the same state , experiencing the same feeling of being trapped.

The photographer to be…

Though it was a hot sunny afternoon with a scorching sun hovering over the building,the little boy was fascinated by the thought of drenching himself in the sun rays sneaking into his classroom, through the ajar window.the waving curtains seemed to be fighting a war with the sunlight rays as it continuously restricted them from entering the room.the boy was suddenly distracted from his fascination by the horrible sound made by the fan which was in a dilapidated condition.the boy was not at all interested in studying and so did not focus on the lesson that was being taught and rather preferred sleeping. Just before dozing off he saw the bulletin board on the wall. Believing it to be a blank canvas on which he started painting his future and eventually fell asleep.he encountered dreams in his sleep which he was willing to achieve in life.he wanted to pursue photography and in his dream he possessed an excellent camera and lenses and lights and flashes and all other equipments that lead him to the path of becoming a successful photographer.he shot animal photoghraphs,birds,landscapes, photos of adults and children and anything and everything.and though he was dealing with tragic, boring and opposing reality ,he slept with a smile on his face hoping his dream might come true.

Darkness has now spread in the entire underconstructed and mismanaged office .it is all empty except that there is a middle aged man sitting in a room filled with paperwork and files arranged in an unorderly fashion.he is a well built man but despite that he seems really lonely, depressed and stressed.probably he is the owner of the office building. Maybe he started a business but was unsuccessful in maintaining it .he for a moment looked at a pin board on the wall .he wants to pin up all of his aspirations for future.but sleep acted as a hindrance and he started dreaming and he saw nothing about future but instead he went in his past.suddenly he was in a jungle .it is was dense jungle and he was all alone .

Firstly,he saw a bunch of monkeys jumping about on the branches of trees just like how he in his past dogged problems and uncomfortable situations.he then moved forward and saw a snake sliding and moving in a zig zag motion through the dry leaves on the ground.he remembered how he had tried to escape responsibilities. Moving forward he saw a deer running away from its mother who tried to stop it but it revolted and consequently got eaten by the tiger just like how the man had left his parents when he wanted freedom and was eventually eaten by the evils of the world outside the comfort of his home.then he moved ahead and noticed a bunch of rabbits walking on a steep area to reach the height but there was one rabbit who was stupid enough to climb a totally vertical piece of land and failed each time he attempted to do so .the man compared how he was stupid enough just like the rabbit to choose wrong paths in life.he then saw a hyena stretching and walking gracefully in the distance and the man recalled the time when he got attracted to a very beautiful and confident lady which distracted him from his goal and made him miserable.

The man was then irritated and scared of the jungle and wanted to get out but couldn’t as he was in the center of the jungle and when he looked up towards the sky he saw a dense canopy and felt trapped and helpless just like he did outside of this dream in his real life.

He woke up with his heart beating fast and decided to go back home .on his way to that tiny and suffocating room called’ home’ he remembers how he disappointed that little boy he was who was focused to become a photographer.

He reached his empty home and though men are said to be strong,that night his pillow did drink those salty drops of water.

Could change be changed??

Its surprisingly unbelievable how things change so easily and quickly…things around you , people around you and the circumstances… everything just gets changed sometimes even opposite of what it used to be…We on the other hand keep standing still and keep gawking at the mysterious twists and turns of life..These changes affect us drastically.. mostly in a terrible manner but sometimes it takes us to this wonderful place in our lives that it changes us into a better human being..As human nature is built,we tend to look at the demerits and negatives of everything..but today i am in the mood to highlight the good version of these changes..Now ‘change’ ?? What does this mean?? everyone is busy cursing it ..but do we really know its essence ?? Changes is one special and magical phenomenon of our lives..its totally natural ..as we change physically and mentally throughout our lives,other things also transform themselves into something else..

Now we may change for the better or for the worse.. similarly our situations and surroundings also change maybe for good or maybe just to ruin our lives..but you know what fascinates me the most that all these changes in us or our surroundings are just meant to be ..they are not for us humans to change.you see change cannot be changed..So now after all of this rubbish of mine,lets not get distracted and let me show case the real worth of change.*Change gives meaning to life.*Change helps us grow* Misery associated with change is priceless.its important to make us strong in this world full of hurdles.* Although change makes us regret what all we missed that we valued in the past ,but it also makes us realize that what all things are ahead for us to seek and enjoy .*Change is important.change is preciousSo why not accept all the drawbacks of change and trust it as its survival is beneficial for us..lets welcome change each time with open arms into our lives.. believe me change is good and even if it is not you might as well accept it the way it is because change cannot be changed.

Dry pillows..

It happens to everyone, everyone with a miserable past or an unbearable present or an unstable future.many people often say their lives are static, unsatisfying, atrocious, hideous and all other distasteful words that they could think of.people always find sorrow in their sacrifices,struggles,losses,emptiness, etc.
And that huge list of complaints that they memorise by heart and keep reciting like a poem..

Always facing crisis,so many sacrifices ,people’s useless advices and those distasteful surprises..but do they ?..no ,the meaning of life nobody summarises and the learnt life lessons nobody revises…
But lets just stop complaining for a while and understand that life is very short so feeling miserable and depressed each time you listen to that old favorite melody song of yours ,or while you feel the changing weather,or when you look at those entries of your worn out old diaries that you found in the most abandoned place of your house and that sweet wet mud fragrance during the rainy season that reminds you of one of the fondest memories of your past …
Yes life is hard.. but lets consider the fact that there are very few ‘DRY PILLOWS’ in this world.
So why not find joy and happiness in all of our problems and try to appreciate everything in life..
lets look in the mirror each morning not to be ashamed of our physical appearance but to high five that chirpy,cheerful, happy,carefree and satisfied little kid in us…
And all of this just to flood the world with dry pillows and not flood the pillows with our tears…😊

Today was a fairytale..

Today was a fairytale…

For that 12 years old girl .who played several roles throughout her day .

First,she was a decent little princess for her father who woke her up in the wee hours of the day to get ready for school.though she wasn’t willing to wake up so early ,she obeyed her father’s command.scratched her eyes,yawned and stood up to get ready.

Next she was a traveller who had to compromise her comfort as the seniors suppressed her right of sitting on the school bus seat.tired and sleepy she stood in the bus during her way to school.

Next she was a student .trying hard to cope up with the burden of studies.getting scolded by every teacher.So what if she was working hard ! She was still last in class.

So today was a fairytale..

For the girl during her lunch break.she was a friend for her apparently true friends.they bullied her ,they teased her for not having a boyfriend like them.

Then she went back home .

She became an explorer ,discovering and being familiar with the changes occuring in her body as she was hitting puberty.she was confused and scared.

Then she was an elder sister.who had the preasure of completing her homework. but also had to take out some time to play with her sister.she was even suffering the preasure of being an excellent example for her sister . She should have a benevolent nature towards her baby sister that would inspire awe in her sister.

So today was a fairytale ..

For that little girl who suffered all day long.

But in the end she agreed with her full heart that today was a fairytale  when at night she laid her head on her mother’s lap.her mother’s serene demeanour influenced her positively.

Now she was mummy’s little girl.

Now she was a carefree person

Now she was a relaxed and calm little girl

Now she was truely happy.

And eventually she became a dreamer as she slept peacefully on her mothers lap.

So …..

Today was a fairytale..

-SS

The bell is still ringing…

So this is my first blog.i don’t know what to write.i have nothing prepared .i think i would just mention that how i thought of starting writing on word press.

Yesterday, i was sitting on my desk ,completing my mathematics homework .well,pretending to do it as i was  finding it really tough and tiring.

I started to stare  at the clock on the opposite wall .i could hear it ticking as no one was home and it was  quiet.i noticed the glorious sunset rays falling on the clock through the window.the rays were crimson, near golden.they were really soothing to the eye.

The setting was just amazing as there was pin drop silence. I closed my eyes ,lay my head on the pillow and relaxed.suddenly, out of nowhere, i started recalling how much have i changed in the past 2 years. 

I used to be that chirpy little girl.socially active ,popular ,an extrovert, friendly and caring.i have changed a lot .i have become dull,quiet,unpopular,kind of an introvert,totally contrary to what i used to be.i have become a tightly closed book(coprising of only some boring chapters )that would never reveal itself.

I found myself in a havoc at that moment .i was not sure that, was that transformation for my betterment or not.i got really upset .i tried to distract my mind by watching some comedy online.but those videos, posts,pictures,memes,jokes,etc. coudnt help.

I knew i wasn’t sad. i knew i was way past that miserably depressing phase.i knew i was satisfied by what all i was left with.i had convinced myself several times that i have made right choices in my life,that i would be happy and successful in future. 

But still something inside me was killing me .i just could not move on.maybe someday i will.maybe i won’t .i did not know .

The doorbell rang and i was woken from my thoughts .i stood up to open the door and realised that my pillow was wet,i realised i was crying.

Those tears were not of sorrow,pain,grief or of happiness, joy and confidence.they were tears of helplessness and confusion.

I went to open the door and saw my sister in front of me.she  had once told me about WordPress .she enjoys writing blogs as she can share her feelings,thoughts, miseries, etc.i also enjoy reading her blogs.

i went to get a glass of water and started thinking that i needed somebody to talk to ,to share my feelings ,thoughts,miseries, happiness with. 

And this is how i came to the conclusion of writings blogs where i can share anything and everything…

P.S. When i heard that doorbell ring and saw myself  crying. i freaked out .i was in a shock.i am still in a shock. I am petrified to know that i still haven’t moved on .that ringing bell reminded be of my Past. But what scares me more is that THE BELL IS STILL RINGING……

-S.S.